Sunday, January 20, 2008

Halloween of the dead things or
Trick or treating is gonna suck

Alright, Halloween checklist for tonight, lets see…
1. A large stash of candy for the dirty costumed beasts running around outside…sixty to seventy oversized mixed
bags might be enough…I hope

2. Halloween Decorations, those new moving lights should distract them well.

3. My NEW and SHINY costume, Finally I got the real Biohazard suit at the surplus store, No more cellophane wrap and allergy filter masks for me…He-He…Check…
(Ed “PLEASE! Stop stroking that costume all ready.”)

4. Doors, make sure the dead bolts are good
(Ed “They better be, You made me get up a 5:30 to install them!”)

5. Secure windows with the decorative black and orange Halloween Shutters
(i.e. wooden planks panted black and orange)

6. Check the spooky mix tape to see if its as scary as that odd old guy said, the guy with a few missing teeth and the fake blood stains on his shirt and was that mayonnaise stains too…or could have been Vidalia dressing?…Anyway, lets have a listen… (…“DEAR GOD NOOOO” SLAM, CRACK, “PLEASE JUST LET US GO.”
“Sorry, love, can’t be doing that.” SUZZZZZ RIPPP )…just lovely! That’ll be sure to scare the piss out of them…

7. Check if 911still works…(beep! beep! beep!…“Hello this is 911, what is your emergency?”
“nothing yet, just checking to see if it is still working”)

8. are All back up generators ready and waiting…“buuuzzzzzz.”

9. Are the Riot-helmets, riot shields and batons all cleaned and polished to a shine, tasers and stun-guns charged and ready.
Check and check!

10. Maps and GPS with safe routes out of town and to a safer location in Canada…Ah sweet Canada with there free health plan, majestic rivers and magnificent beavers.

11. Check up on…

“What is it now, you damn hypochondriac.”
“Have you checked up on Ben yet?”
“And why would I do that?”
“FOR one, you’re up stairs and you know I don’t like ever being that far off the ground, AND AS FOR two, remember Ben wasn’t feeling well when he came home last night.”
But why would you care at all
“…Oh yeah he said he was bitten by some screwed
up homeless guy last night on the way home from work.”
“So why don’t you go and check of on him, he could have rabies”
“All right all right I’ll go see if he’s ok.”
Everyday is the same with you, all ways do this
Knock, knock, knock.
“Hey man are you ok?”
Stump! Stump! Stamp.
“Any thing?”
“Eh, he’s just sleeping it off, I guess I’ll see ya later.”
“Hey Wait! Where are you going?”
“Oh I’m heading over to Jenny’s party, It supposed to be the best party in town, hell they even have carnival rides and live Metal bands!”
Err I always hated that trash music, nothing but unlistenable noise
And I never liked that Jenny women, with that hideous
laugh of hers…
“Wait! You’re leaving me with a diseased man?”
“You’ll be fine, he’ll stay in his room.”
“NOT listening I’m going to the party, BYE!”
HE always leaves me with this kind of crap!
I Swear I’m gonna Kill him in his sleep…
Wait than I’ll have dead body in house and how could I kill him, He’s stronger then me…I wonder if they’ll play my favorite
episode of House M.D., I love that show…
“Ben if that’s you please don’t come near me, you might have rabies.”
“HHLASCGk, let me go you sick bastard!”
Who in the hell is this guy, where is his shirt? Dear God He smells horrible.
Well, Since I don’t know you, I don’t care...SO HERE’S A PAIR OF SCISSORS IN YOUR EYE!
STAB! Spurt!
End of part one


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